I just had to write.

Has it ever occurred that when you are about to embark on something you really enjoy someone, or something out in the universe throws a plethora of wrenches in your plans?  It always seems to happen that way, doesn’t it?

I started this blog with so much in my head I was eager to share with others that happened to stumble upon it.  I had also begun a streak of writing short stories to submit to magazines and even maybe put together a book of short stories.  I have also launched an art project.  I had gotten into a routine at my jiu jitsu gym and had many plans of starting a conditioning routine to aid in my progress.   All of this has been occurring as I work and go to school (full time).

I was doing fine until….

“, Oh, that’s ring worm.”  One friend said.  “It’s common for grappling.  You’re new to it.  Your body will go through these things as you advance.”

“No, that might just be dry skin.” Another said.  “I had the same thing happen to me once.”

“Psoriasis?” My sister mentioned. “You should get checked.” Thanks, sis.

“The herps.”  One joked.  I hit him for this one.

“This looks like staph.” One physician said.

So, on I went for a second opinion.

“It’s…unique.” The doctor said.  “What is it, though?” I asked.  “Well, I don’t know for sure. We need to send you to a specialist.  Are you sure it doesn’t itch or hurt? That is very weird.” He said.

I was sure.  I was sure whatever was spreading rapidly through my legs did not itch nor cause me pain.  There was no puss. No boils. Just lesions. Rapidly spreading. Surely it sounds like staph, I would just need antibiotics, perhaps?

It’s important to mention I had a day and a half stomach bug about 2 weeks into this rash induced period.

That is not all. A secondary rash broke out on me that covered me everywhere- including my face.  It looked like an allergic reaction to something but this reaction didn’t cease and still has not as I am writing this.  Within 8 hours of the break out my hands and feet turned red and burned.

I took a second trip to the doctor’s today.  I set up an appointment for a specialist to see tomorrow.  I have not seen improvement in my condition and I have started antibiotics given to me on my previous visit.  The antibiotics made me feel worn out and sick to my stomach.  I didn’t wish to eat and take the second dose.

In a nutshell, something is wrong with me and I am unsure of what.  I hope to find answers soon.

This sob story is just the preface to what this entry is about.

I am frustrated.  I am so busy and I have much I want to do and I am here worrying about some mysterious ailment of my skin.  I haven’t been doing jiu jitsu in almost a month and the lack of exercise is not doing my mental health any well.  I have no motivation to write or do my art work. My focus in school has been hindered and I cannot go to work due to the doctor visits or because I am just not feeling well.

Why is this happening?

I guess all this goes back to perspective.

In having a lot of time to cry and feel sorry for myself, I have also inserted time to think.  Well, I never stop thinking, anyways.

My conclusions were:

I should be grateful for things like the money to afford doctor visits and the medications.

I am glad to have friends who check in on me to see that I am doing well.

I am glad I have my parents to assist me with anything.

I really could have it so much worse.

And I should not let this stop me from doing the things I want to do.  I mean, what am I going to do while waiting for myself to get better? Sit and mope.  Life goes on.

One should continue on their ambitions despite what is happening.

What’s happening to me is truly annoying. But I will make the best of it.

I guess this is stuff you already know, reader.  This is advice you would have given me had you been in front of me right now.  But writing this helps me so I can come back to this.

Anyways, I’m out. Thanks for reading.

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