My thoughts are deep today.

I don’t typically thrive on the topic of love or the desire to feel such trivial things.  But I feel I must. 

I must get it out there, not for the sake of advising you, reader, but for the sake of advising myself.  

I must get this out there to ensure that I am not a walking ticking time bomb of bottled angst.  

I must get this out there so that I am not a victim of my two faced mind.

What seems to be the problem with devotion for a long period of time? Why is it that one person cannot be committed to another’s existence without faulting? 

It could be argued that it is simply not in human nature to be solely indoctrined to someone else and only that someone else. 

It could also be argued that today’s society of 2017 has molded individuals to behave in certain ways and have installed backwards perspectives when it comes to monogamous relationships. 

But I must stop pondering on all this riff raff and just write my own ideas on the topic.  

Instant gratification is a fault. It is what is engrained into most minds today. We want anything and everything almost immediately. But I refuse to do this. I wish to wait. I have fallen to levels of coerced affection recently. My attempt to CREATE passion has just ended up being snot that has fallen grossly back on to my head.
Passion is wild and uninvited. If anyone has read Jeanette Winterson’s novel The Passion , she explains Passion quite elaborately. I mean, the whole book is on the feeling of passion.

Passion is untamed. Therefore, it has the ability to take you to the highest mountain and then kick you off of it. 

How must we control passion? Must wr oust it and settle with being merely content? Indeed, it seems we must. But as nights pass on to months, being content will simply not suffice.

But when we have Passion, we cannot control it! We squander it. We allow it to burn us. 

And here, my reader, is my dilemma. 

I am in search for passion without wanting to create it. Is Passion laying dormant waiting to be awakened? Or do we come across it, not knowing it was hidden in a nook?

I do not wish to inflict the wrong passion onto people and I would hope I would not come across passion in any form with someone not intended to commit to me in the grand scheme of things. 

I am frustrated. And growing impatient. Am I so flawed that I cannot find passion? Or is passion supposed to find ME? 

I have no problem finding passion anywhere else but humans are truly cumbersome when it comes to this. 

I apologize that my entry is not in a coherent pattern. My thoughts mirror this pattern today. 

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