I typically write blog posts that force a reader to think about their actions and be more self aware and yadda ya. But, I think for this post I should just ramble on and on. I haven’t written in a while as I have been insanely busy with school, work, and my personal projects. It’s a wonder I manage to get 5 hours of sleep each night. But the time is approaching where the “all of this will pay off” cliché (and over used instagram photo of coffee and notebook caption, hashtag study!!!) will finally be put into action.
You see very soon I will be accomplishing something that has been very difficult for me to accomplish. I will finally be in possession of something that many people my age obtain, but a huge portion does not. See, I was almost part of the huge portion.
Let me tell you…
I was climbing a broken ladder and it snapped too soon on me. Maybe it snapped just in time now that I ponder back on it. However, I’d be playing you (and myself) if I said I didn’t select the broken ladder. I did select it. Out of all the other ladders, for some reason, I foolishly chose that one. I climbed each rung knowing that the ladder was faulty. My stubborn pride pushed me further and my delusional ambition intercepted any kind of rational thinking that the ladder might NOT be so stable. Finally, maybe after 5 rungs up… It just collapsed. And I fell. The hit was painful. The kind of pain one feels from losing a challenge they were meant to lose initially.
By the time I fell there were no more ladders. They had all been taken, I suppose. Or blown away. I had no choice but to start building my own to climb. So, I did this. It has been challenging, as I had never built a ladder before. Though many find it a simple build, not everyone is built for the task of engineering or constructing. Not everyone has the limited capacity to approach such tasks that are deemed all too simple. I built my own ladder, however, and I threw in some of my own innate creativity.
I designed this ladder to never be completed. As I step up each rung, I have to construct a new rung and find a way to hold it together while standing on the structure. This has been the fun (and often times discouraging) part of this process. I cannot say how many rungs I have built and stepped on. I try not to look down. Looking down just reminds me of my past fears of falling. I do not wish to fall again, so I will continue my ascending journey; the journey to new found metaphorical success of wonder and different forms.
I was a failure to launch for many years. I am not afraid nor am I ashamed to say so.
I can take a breath from the strangling hold around my neck. I finally found the light switch I panicked to search for in the dreadfully dark room. I finally exited the nerve wrecking highway filled with chaos.
I feel enthralled. I feel elated. For the first time in years, reader, I feel fulfilled.
Youth beginning life is difficult. But it is exciting, too. So I have heard.
As a young lady that has been working hard to climb her own ladder, I am eager to venture out of my comfort zone and explore all avenues of reality. Ok, maybe not the BAD ones, but ya know what I mean, right?
At first it was a mere dream; a fantasy that was just false fancy. To finally realize it is not just a series of day dreams but soon to be reality is euphoria in a cup.
End of post for today, folks.
I am too much in awe of fortunes that have fallen hard on my lap.